I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
