needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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