Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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