just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
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