how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
