when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
you never un-have a 4some
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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