Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
