Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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