dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
