Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize