her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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