your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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