He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
