i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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