I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
