I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
