Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Someone shattered a urinal.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize