There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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