As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
