I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
