I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
