i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
