She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
