I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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