omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
