Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Randomize
