some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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