I wannas sexs uuuuu
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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