I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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