I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
