Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
