Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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