Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
