Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
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