I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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