So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
