I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
he fucked my hip out of place.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
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