sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
