Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize