after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize