Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
