Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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