Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
