Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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