he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
