he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
