Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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