hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
