if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
