Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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