I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
