Please, let me fuck your mom
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I need a beard to bite.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
