Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
