when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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