he thought i was a dude.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
