I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
