I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
