Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize