also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
