Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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