You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
