I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
