i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
