kristin has been a bad kristin
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
you win again, gameday.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
