I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
