I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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