I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Found the puke drawer
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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