He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He shit in the fireplace
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
