Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Randomize
