smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
