Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
