I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
