laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
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