i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
