I wish my penis had an off switch
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
