I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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