and you said cock pushups were impossible
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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