i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
dude i'm inner monologue high
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
