dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize