look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
