He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
