I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
We are all done wearing pants today
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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