what day is it and did you see me today?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
