I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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