I could have mohawked her pubes.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
