very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
