i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
