Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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